Perfect first steps

How dreaming of getting somewhere quickly can stop us moving at all

Often when we have a decision to make or want to learn a new skill we get stuck. And often that stuckness is because we’re trying to find a perfect first step. I know when I was first thinking about this, I was telling myself I don’t need a perfect step, I just need one that gets me where I want to go quickest, with least aggro and most guarantee of success… oh, yes, ok. Stuck looking for the perfect first step.

So, we’re stuck in inaction looking for the perfect step, but oftentimes, I think we don’t notice that we’re stuck. We might in fact feel like we’re doing quite a lot. We might be reading around the subject, maybe we’re having conversations about it, perhaps we’ve found some good podcasts to listen to. And sometimes, that inaction is good. Sometimes it is literally that you need to do a bit of research before you begin. If that’s the case, then great.

But sometimes, what was initially helpful research can slip seamlessly into being stuck looking for the perfect action to take. Can slip into wasting a lot of time theorizing and trying to work out what might be the step that is the least effort and gets us there quickest and most seamlessly, while completely lacking the impetus to actually do the thing. It might sound sensible to be sure before we start, but we might also have to accept that that perfect first step just does not exist and we’re really just avoiding taking action.

It's enticing to think that there’s a perfect way to start, and it’s a perception that I think experts, or people who have been there before us will contribute to, they’ll say things like “I wish I had skipped all of these steps” or “if I had my time again, I wouldn’t waste my time of this thing”.

But the reality is that if they hadn’t done all those steps, they wouldn’t have got to where they are. Those experiments and mistakes gave them the knowledge and experience from which to say, “for me, this works and that doesn’t”. But is there any way they could have know that ahead of having tried it?

If we think of a baby learning to walk, we know that they’re not just going to jump up at birth (like a baby giraffe or cow) and start toddling about. We can understand that they need to build muscles slowly – neck first, then arms and legs. Get some crawling in to tone them, before thinking about developing balance, maybe holding onto a sofa or coffee table.

It wouldn’t occur to us to say “why can’t they just skip crawling and walk?”  it’s clear that they must build their capability in stages, and it’s equally clear that it’s a slow process that needs love and support along the way. While they’re learning we’re kind and patient. We might demonstrate what crawling looks like so they can get the idea, we pick them up when they fall over and comfort them when they’re frustrated with their inability. But we don’t say “hurry up baby, just walk already!”

However, when we ourselves are trying to learn something new, we are doing just that. When we’re stuck researching the perfect first step, it’s because we’re hoping not to have to learn to sit up and crawl first. We’re hoping we can go straight from new born to running without any of the intervening steps and without falling on our faces a tonne of times to get there.

If we think of ourselves as babies having to do all the steps to learn how to do something new, then perhaps we can be a bit more kind and patient with ourselves about having to take time to learn. Of course, we need to build new muscles and sometimes that means we’ll do it badly or wrong. It would be nigh on impossible to take on your first management or leadership position and not make mistakes or do things that we wouldn’t do again if we got a second go round.

But the only way you know they are a mistake is by making them. So, this is a call to imperfect action. To stop fannying around looking for the perfect first step and get yourself moving any old how. You might feel like a lemon butt shuffling about, but it’s getting you places far quicker than lying still while thinking of the perfect way to walk!